


Student Teacher AU

by clarityhiding



Category: Bandom, Empires, My Chemical Romance, Panic! at the Disco, The Hush Sound, Young Veins
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crack, Gen, M/M, Not!Fic, Romantic Comedy, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-05-16
Updated: 2008-05-16
Packaged: 2017-10-21 17:48:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/227921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clarityhiding/pseuds/clarityhiding
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Spencer is a Language Arts teacher, Ryan draws comics, Frank owns a coffee house, and Tomrad's tie has palm trees. Complete crack, mostly consisting of me populating the area around where I live with bandom people.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Student Teacher AU

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: None of this is true, or real. Except for the small bits that I've borrowed from my neighborhood. And my sneaky cameo. Mmmm, Black Death...

Spencer used to share an apartment with Brent, but then Brent moved in with his girlfriend. But because he is a good friend/roomie, he found Spencer a new roommate when he left! Only... he possibly did not check with Spencer too much about this before finding Brendon and making arrangements with him to move in, and yeah, Spencer's a lot more used to Brendon now, but at first there were Difficulties.

They've been living together for a year now, though, and they're actually okay friends, yay. Only Brendon's work hours were such that he was never really around when Ryan stopped by before, since Brendon was working nights, or really late, or had to get up really early, so was going to sleep at like... six p.m. or something. Ryan vaguely knows what Brendon looks like and stuff, but that's kinda it.

...maybe Ryan is the unrequited one this time around. Maybe he has been showing up at Spencer's place more and more often, hoping to catch glimpses of Spencer's hot roommate. And then he gets to know Brendon, and he's like... Um, CRAZY MAN.

I wonder what Brendon's job is! Maybe he switched jobs. And that's why he has different hours now. Perhaps he was working at a 24-hour fastfood drive-thru before, because he was also finishing up school, since he'd had all types of family problems and had to drop out in his third year because of a sudden loss of monies for tuition when he had a falling out with his family or something!! So then he had to take a few years off to make monies to support himself, and save money and stuff and slowly finish up the rest of his BA through extension courses. But he just recently finished, and he was able to get a much better job now that he has a degree and stuff! He is, um. Um.

He does layout stuff for catalogs and books and things for a small publishing/educational book supply company! But that is not what he _really_ wants to do. He wants to, uh. Write children's songs! He has all these ideas for these awesome, fun, educational children's songs, but he doesn't know how to go about, y'know, getting them out there. Then he meets Ryan Ross.

Who, conveniently enough, happens to write and illustrate graphic novels for a small, independent comic book company that is not at all vaguely based on Dark Horse! (Gerard Way works there too—he and Ryan trade off on the drawing and the writing.) Ryan catches Brendon fiddling around with one of his songs one day and says hey, that's a pretty catchy tune, and Brendon says thanks, and he starts over and sings the lyrics as well, and Ryro is all, omg, LOVE, but he acts all casual and, 'Hey, where's that from? Sesame Street?' Brendon says no, he wrote it himself, and he has all these songs and things but he doesn't know what to do with them.

At which point Ryan makes a proposal. Perhaps he and Brendon could collaborate! Ryan could write and illustrate children's books that feature Brendon's songs! Or maybe illustrate books that are basically the songs broken down into books, and then with the music included in the back. Brendon may be a nobody at the moment, but Ryan has already been published, he has made a name for himself! Granted, a name for being able to put various superheroes and antiheros through really depressing hard times, but a name!

Thus, they collaborate! And fall in love!

Not that any of that matters, because that's a background thing. The real show is the Jon/Spencer.

Spencer Smith teaches seventh and eighth grade English. Which is to say he teaches Language Arts, since for some reason he cannot comprehend no one wants to call it "English" until you get to a high school level even though that's what the class _is_. They read books and write essays and he tries to teach the brats about poetry and famous authors. Mostly he finds that if he can manage to pound basic grammar into their heads by the time June rolls around, he's doing pretty well.

Middle school is not an easy age to teach. The kids are just starting to learn about teenage rebellion, just starting to lose the blind obedience that most of them had in elementary school, and are a few years short of the maturity that they'll acquire sometime during high school. Which is why, Spencer angrily explains to stupid _Ray_ with his stupid _smile_ , Spencer does not have the time to look after a student teacher. "Also, I've only been teaching for a few years myself, I'm the last person who should be doing this kind of thing," Spencer concludes.

It is a good thing Ray is the principal! Only Ray is powerful enough to withstand the glare of a pissy Spencer (and even he shrinks a little under Spencer's withering gaze). He smiles a little nervously and explains how yeah, Spencer is young, but he has been teaching for seven years already and he is one of the most responsible teachers at the school. Spencer is not taken in by Ray's pathetic attempts to sweet talk him and he says that there is no way in hell he's going to let Ray try and foist one of those annoying, overly-eager idiots on him.

A few days later, Spencer has mostly forgotten about the entire thing. He is in the lounge, glaring at his mug and willing it to refill itself so that he does not have to get up and walk the ten feet from the table to the coffee maker to do it. Spencer likes teaching, really he does! He gets a thrill out of enriching young minds, and he actually really likes teaching preteens, despite what most of his friends and coworkers think. Spencer just doesn't like that he has to get up at an ungodly hour five days a week. He feels that if people are going to insist that he get up before six each day, then he is owed a magical coffee mug that refills itself. Or that Ray should do it for him. Yes, that would work nicely...

(Spencer thinks that Ray should be his bitch. Well. Spencer kinda thinks everyone should be his bitch, except for maybe Ryan, who he treats with some degree of respect. Mostly because Ryan is immune to his Death Glare. And because Ryan has twenty-three years of blackmail material on him. Damn Ross and his cunning ways!)

The mug staunchly refuses to show any sort of magical talents, and Spencer is trying to find the wherewithal to get to his feet when someone says, "Hey, hi. I don't suppose you could tell me how to get to room forty-six?" Spencer's head snaps around and his eyes narrow when he spots the man hanging in the doorway of the lounge. Way too awake to be one of Spencer's coworkers. No one who gets up at an ungodly hour every day looks that alert before nine a.m. Well. Unless your name is Brendon Urie. Spencer is reminded that he hates his roommate with a passion.

(...Spencer has randomly announced in my head that Brendon is the best roommate ever, wtf. Apparently this is because Brendon starts the coffee maker when he gets up at the crack of dawn? And he gives Spencer a ride to work in the morning because Spencer doesn't have enough caffeine in him to operate heavy machinery. Aww.)

(Also, Spencer steals Brendon's clothes. He isn't awake enough in the morning to realize that Brendon steals his clothes as well.)

The only reason Spencer ever has lunch is because Brendon makes lunch for him and makes sure Spencer has it in his hand when he gets out of the car each morning. Spencer has mixed feelings about this because while on the one hand he _is_ a fan of having food, on the other hand he is not sure if marshmallow and peanut butter sandwiches really constitute "food." He thinks he has put on five pounds since Brendon moved in. This is clearly because Brendon is _pure evil_. Only Brendon gives him coffee. So... maybe not so evil. Though coffee could be part of Brendon's evil plan! Spencer is totally down with evil!Brendon if it means coffee, though. Mmmmmcoffeeeeeeee... aaaaand Spencer's mug is still empty. Stupid Brendon with his stupid job that is not at Spencer's school so he can't get Spencer coffee.

Spencer glares at his mug. "Damn you, Brendon Urie, and your evil, cunning ways," he growls. Lack of coffee is _clearly_ Brendon's fault. That is one of the reasons Spencer loves living with Brendon—he can blame him for _everything_. And Brendon cheerfully accepts the blame. It's awesome.

"Actually," says the guy in the door who... is not actually in the door anymore, but in fact standing right next to Spencer and _shit_ , when did _that_ happen?, "my name's Jon Walker. Did you want coffee?" He does not even wait for Spencer's reply, just fills up his mug. Spencer stares, because, omg, _magic coffee mug, finally, YAY_.

Spencer grabs his mug, downs half of it, lets Jon Walker fill it up again, and clutches it to his chest. "I love you. Marry me," he says in his most sincere voice. (Spencer has maybe proposed to Brendon at least five times this week already, and it is only Wednesday. It's been a hard week, but Brendon is the best roommate ever, so.)

Jon Walker laughs. "Sorry, I can't. I think I'm engaged to my roommate? I mean, might have promised myself to him for his last roll of film yesterday."

"That's alright," Spencer says, cradling his mug and happily sipping away. "I've already promised myself to my roommate fifteen times this month."

They talk about coffee while Spencer walks to his room. He decides that Jon Walker is an awesome guy, because the only other person he has ever been able to talk coffee with like this is that guy Ryan works with sometimes, the one who draws the really awesome monsters and vampires and stuff. Perhaps Jon is a new teacher at the school! Or a substitute. Heh. A sub. Spencer totally does not snicker to himself because, yeah. He is a mature, well-behaved adult. A role model!

"Oh, hey," Jon says when they stop and the notices the room number, "room forty-six."

"Mmmm," Spencer murmurs, grinning a bit evilly as he unlocks the door and goes inside. Room forty-six. Ray likes to call it Spencer's Evil Lair. Mwahahahaha. Spencer _loves_ his room.

Jon follows Spencer into his room! Spencer thinks this is fabulous, but alas! School starts in thirty minutes and it would probably be really, really inappropriate for him to lock the door again and spend those thirty minutes making out with Jon, right? 'But,' he tells his inner-Ray (and Spencer will deny that he has an inner-Ray if anyone ever calls him on it), 'he followed me home! Well, into my room. That makes it okay, right?' So makeouts are totally okay, yesssssss...

He is about to propose this plan of action when Jon asks, "So, uh. Not to ruin the mood or anything, but do you happen to know when Mr. Smith tends to get here?"

"....excuse me?" Spencer asks in a flat tone, staring at Jon and totally not believing he just asked that.

"I mean, you're, what, his aide? Friend? I mean, you've got a key to the room and I was just really hoping I could talk to him before kids got here because I'm really nervous about this whole student teaching thing," Jon laughs a bit nervously and rubs the back of his head.

" _Excuse me?_ "

(Jon maybe thinks that Mr. Smith is a crotchety 50-something-year-old, because Ray told him that he is a real hard-ass but a good teacher, one of the best, and he is putting Jon with Smith because Jon is a good guy and Jon deserves the best! Jon thinks Ray is out to get him, but he is okay with that. Jon finds that things work out for him if he just goes along with it and does not freak out too much over things. He is an easy-going guy, he gets on well with people. Figures this student teaching thing will be a snap, really it will, 'But Tom, Tom, what if the kids don't _like_ me?!')

".....oh shit, you're him aren't you?" Jon says, blanching. But Spencer is not paying any attention to him, as he is busy punching numbers into his phone.

"I said _no student teachers_. Remember what happened last time? I– No, Ray. No. I– He's not– _No._ It's not happening, I'm not—" The color drains out of Spencer's face for half a second and then he just _glares_ at the phone like he could kill it with his eyes. "You _fucking bastard_ , I can't believe Ryan. No, wait. I can. That's totally Ryan. But I can't believe _you_ called him to get dirt on me and I'm going to _kill_ you and no one will ever find your body and– arrrrrgh!" He slams the phone back down on the hook and growls at the wall, threatening it.

(It is a conspiracy! A conspiracy to make Spencer have a student teacher! This can lead to nothing good. Ryan is dead, dead meat. As is Ray. And Brendon. Just because.)

(....only not, because Spencer loves Brendon, BEST ROOMIE EVER.)

"Er..." Jon begins and he has totally not been inching towards the door while Spencer's on the phone, nor does he already have his hand on the handle, of _course_ not.

Spencer whips around and glares at him. "No swearing in my classroom," he snaps.

"What? I didn't– You just—"

"You. Swore. Every other word out of these kids' mouths is a swear word pretty much, they don't need you encouraging them and making them think it's alright. No expletives," Spencer growls. Jon gulps and nods.

"Look," Jon says tentatively, "I'm sorry about before, I just... You're really young, and I just assumed you were a student teacher too, sorry."

There is a stand-off! A stand-off between Spencer's glaring intimidation and Jon's well-meaning sincerity. It is pretty much a draw, because Spencer is torn between hissss, evil student teacher, and oooo, hot guy who gave me coffee, while Jon is all, oooo, hot, smart guy who is really awesome, and eeek, scary teacher who could totally ruin my life! Thus, a draw.

"So. So," says Jon finally after five minutes of them staring at each other, "I think we might've gotten off on the wrong foot. Er. Kind of." He releases the door handle, wipes his palms on his pant legs, and strides across the room, offering Spencer a hand. "Hi," he says, smiling nervously. "I'm Jon Walker. I look forward to learning in your classroom."

Spencer glares at Jon's hand like it is an icky dead thing. Well, okay, he does not really mind icky dead things. He glares at Jon's hand like it is Brendon and he has just woken Spencer up at five a.m. _again_ , 'No, seriously, Urie, _what is your problem?_ ' He makes no move to shake it, and Jon's smile wavers as he drops his hand. "Spencer Smith. You won't be here long. I'll talk to Greta at lunch and make her take you. I don't do student teachers." Greta teaches sixth and seventh grade Language Arts down the hall and does the after school theater club. She loves student teachers. Spencer is sure she'll be more than happy to take Jon off his hands.

* * *

Student teaching eats Jon's life! It is most tragic. He used to be this fun guy to hang out with, but then he had a not-even-close-to-midlife crisis and decided to get a teaching degree. Tom does not understand it at all—'Teaching is something that responsible forty-something-year-old women do, Jon Walker! Not awesome photographers who are my best friends!' But Jon _loves_ kids! Even more than photography! I mean, well. Okay. He likes to take pictures a lot and that's fun, but he does not want to do that as a job like Tom does, because that would take all the fun out of it and he likes being able to take pictures of just what _he_ wants to take pictures of.

Kids are so cute and fun and smart! They are like sponges, soaking up anything and everything you tell them and still begging for more! Jon loves teaching things to the little midgets, so after some thought on the matter, he decides to go back to school and finish his B.A. (he dropped out halfway through sophomore year, supposedly to pursue a career in photography because he was kinda stupid at nineteen and never bothered with, y'know, thinking about the long term). This time he does a double major in English and Education, because he may be a laid-back kind of guy, but Jon can be serious intense about stuff when he wants to be, and he is no slacker.

(Except for how he kind of was when he tried college the first time around, because yeah, he had been a good kid in high school, and college was a bit intense and different and maybe the main reason he ended up dropping out at nineteen was that he was failing his classes anyway because he kept not getting his work done, distracted as he was by the whole college experience. But that was the past! He is older and more mature now! Yes. Yes indeed. Plus, Tom cannot lead him down the easy path of vice this time because Tom totally has a responsible job and everything now and, 'Ha, it happens to us all in the end, Tomrad! You wear a tie! Yes, it has palm trees on it, but it is a _tie_.')

There is only one thing Jon really, really hates about teaching, even though he loves the kids and everything else. There is a dress code. It's meant for the students, but the teachers have to follow it too or else they look like hypocrites. And the dress code says no open-toed shoes. As a congratulations-you-are-student-teaching present, Tom buys him a pair of sneakers. They are canvas slip-ons and they are actually pretty comfortable and let his feet breathe, but. _Sneakers_. Jon hates his sneakers with a PASSION. They are his mortal enemies. Tom obviously hates him and is the _worst roommate ever_. (Only not because Tom is his best friend and totally lets Jon borrow money for rent when he's a bit short, and yay, Tomrad ftw.)

Jon is really surprised and pleased with his student teaching assignment, actually, because it is pretty local. He finds out that apparently middle school has a reputation? Not this particular middle school or anything like that, but it is a really difficult age to teach, and most people want to do elementary or high school. Jon was the only one who actually asked for middle school (not that asking normally means much of anything, since it is mostly random and stuff, but they do take into account preferences and requests when dealing out assignments, so that is good for him). This makes no sense to Jon—he remembers _loving_ middle school! He felt all adult because they had actual periods and switched classes instead of just being in one classroom all day, and you could choose classes and it was awesome. High school had all of that too, of course, but most of the people he knew in high school were too busy worrying over intense honors classes and doing extracurriculars that would look good on their college applications. Middle school had been all the fun of being mature and none of the stress! Most awesome time ever.

Actually, now that he thinks of it, Jon can maybe see why most people prefer to avoid teaching the preteens.

Despite this, Jon refuses to let himself stress over it because he is _omg, so psyched_ about this! He is all careful and goes to sleep at the reasonable time of nine the night before because he's totally going to be the best and most responsible teacher ever and Change Lives! Unfortunately, going to sleep at nine means he wakes up at five the next morning or something. But that is okay! Waking up early means he has plenty of time to get his stuff together and catch the bus to the school (because he is a poor little student teacher and cannot afford a car, alas, and it isn't as if he can bum a ride from Tom because Tom is not even going to wake up for another hour at least) and get there early!

He meets Mr. Toro the principal (who is full of awesome and insists that Jon call him Ray and wow, Jon kinda cannot stop staring at Ray's hair) and finds out that he'll be in working with Mr. Smith, who teaches seventh and eighth grade Language Arts. "Now, between you and me, Smith is bit crotchety," Ray tells Jon. "Well. A lot crotchety," he amends after a moment's thought. "But he really knows his stuff. Yeah, the kids are always complaining about how hard his class is, but that's mostly because Smith's really all about tough love and making the kids actually do their work, not just goof off most of the time." (Ray has not at all been entertaining thoughts of setting up the makings of a romantic comedy amongst the staff at his school in order to amuse himself during the spring semester. Nooooo, he is much too mature for that! And responsible! Yes.)

* * *

Why is Spencer so mean to Jon? Maybe it is because he has not gotten past the hair-pulling stage of liking someone yet. Maybe he is freaking out because omg, _he was totally about to make out with the student teacher he is supposed to be mentoring_. Which would be wrong on so many levels. _But_ , had said student teacher not said anything, Spencer would have gotten makeouts! And they would have been awesome, coffee-flavored makeouts. And Spencer is _sure_ they would have been really, really good. He maybe rambles to Brendon for the better part of a week about how great said hypothetical makeouts with Jon would have been, because, Brendon, Jon is pure, unadulterated awesome. Well. Unadulterated except for the fact that he is a _student teacher_ , HISS. Ryan—who is _totally unsympathetic of Spencer's woes, the bastard_ —tells Spencer he should just suck it up and make out with Jon already, because, god, Smith, if you're going to insist on regaling us with your love life at least have a fucking love life first.

Spencer's nefarious plan to have Greta take Jon falls, alas, as she already has a student teacher of her own! How sneaky. Greta does not understand why Spencer has such a big problem with student teachers—she has seen what has happened when he has had to deal with them in the past, and as long as you ignore the way he actually _treats_ them, you would think he is the best supervising teacher ever—he worries over them just as much as he worries over each of his kids, and, seeing as how he teaches five classes of thirty-five each year, the amount of attention and worry he expends on each kid is rather frightening at times. (Greta loves her student teacher. They call him ginger!Bob to differentiate him from Patrick-the-band-teacher's-roommate-Bob.)

* * *

Jon honestly does not get Spencer Smith. He was awesome and cute and half-asleep and proposing marriage to Jon at the start, and Jon had totally thought that there were going to be makeouts in the offing, but then. Then it turned out that Spencer was totally _not_ Spencer, fellow student teacher, he was Mr. Smith, full-fledged teacher and capable of crushing Jon's hopes and dreams if he so wished (which, um, okay, he could have probably done as just plain Spencer as well, but that not in a way that would have affected Jon's career any). Now Jon cannot decide which is worse—that he is stuck with a teacher who inherently hates all student teachers on principle, or that he's continuing to crush hard on said teacher.

"So basically," Tom says slowly after Jon has spent most of dinner explaining all of this, "you're paying for the pleasure of being insulted and demeaned by a guy you find very attractive. Fuck, man, I didn't know you were into that kind of shit." Jon rolls his eyes and punches Tom in the shoulder.

Personally, Tom is starting to think that maybe Jon Walker really _does_ have a masochistic streak, because he always chooses the worst kind of people to crush on. Or so he tells his lunchtime confidant and fellow art department lackey, Brendon. Brendon is a bit of a spazz who pretty much managed to land a job at the company with talents that are completely self-taught rather than having them pounded into his skull via four years of classes in Quark and InDesign and Photoshop like Tom did. Brendon wants to write and play music, and Tom wants to be a photographer, so they're both a bit out of place at the company, which mainly sells educational books and DVDs, but also does some smalltime publishing.

"I wish my roommate had that sort of problem," Brendon says around a mouthful of peanut butter and banana sandwich. "He doesn't date. Or even go out, really." Of course, if Spencer went out more then Ryan probably would not come over to see him nearly as often as he does now, and, well. Brendon is all for anything that means more of Ryan Ross around the apartment, yum.

"Roomies are fucked up sometimes, man," Tom says seriously, and Brendon nods morosely. Right now it is absolutely insane around his place because Spencer has somehow managed to develop some sort of bipolar disorder where he cannot decide whether he is in love with Jon the Hot Student Teacher (and the way Spencer says it Brendon can _hear_ the capital letters) or hates him with the fiery passion of a thousand suns. It's a bit scary. Like having sleepy, early-morning Spencer around _all the time_ , only instead of proposing marriage to Brendon he is sighing wistfully over some guy who, considering the student teachers Spencer has had to train in the past, is probably five to seven years younger than Spencer (Brendon wrinkles his nose when he realizes this, because it makes him feel _old_ , ew). Brendon and Ryan snicker and call Spencer a cradle-robber when he's not around to hear them (even then they say it very, very quietly—no one ever believes Spencer's death threats are idle ones).

"Spencer gets very confused when it comes to his feelings," Ryan explains to Brendon in his flat, serious voice, and Brendon nods, eyes wide and mouth silent for once. He is content to just drink from the font of wisdom that is Ryan Ross, whom Brendon is sure has to be the world's foremost authority on Spencer Smiths. "When he really cares about someone, he gets scared that something bad will happen to them, so he gets all bitchy and controlling because he wants to make sure they stay safe."

"Ooh, so _that's_ why he's always yelling at me." Brendon is obviously pleased to finally understand this.

"No, he yells at you because you're a spazz," Ryan says. He does not even apologize for this when Brendon pouts, which is totally not right, but he does let Brendon flop across his lap, and even pets Brendon's hair some and it is the best _ever_.

Then Spencer comes in, his arms full of stacks upon stacks of papers to correct and he yells at them both to stop making out and to clean up all the take-out containers, notebooks, sheet music, and chalk pastels that litter the floor around them. "God, Spencer, we're not making out," Ryan says, rolling his eyes.

"But Spencer raises an excellent point," Brendon says solemnly. "We _could_ be making out." They eye each other in a predatory manner for several minutes until Spencer makes a noise of disgust and stomps off to correct papers in the other room. Brendon and Ryan dissolve into laughter soon as he is gone, because it is always fun to jerk Spencer's chain. (They have actually been kinda-sorta-totally-dating for almost a month now, but it is more fun to pretend to be awkward and obliviously mooning over one each other around Spencer, so they are currently trying to see how long they can keep up the charade.)

Spencer is stressing that he is the worst mentor ever and that Jon will hate him and hate teaching and decide that he does not want to teach after all and quit halfway through the program. That is what happened with the two, three other student teachers that have been assigned to Spencer in the past, and it really, really hurt when that happened, so Spencer has pretty much decided that he is an awful mentor and should never ever be allowed to teach adults anything ever. (Except for maybe Brendon who totally doesn't count as an adult because, come on, it's _Brendon_.)

And, okay, he did not like the last two he had and he really thinks Ray foisted them off on him hoping that Spencer would scare them out of taking up teaching as a full-time profession, but the first one was a good kid, really bright and eager and then poor Adam, he went and had a nervous breakdown after only a couple of weeks. Ray said that there were other contributing factors, family drama and health problems and stuff, but Spencer maybe secretly thinks that it was all his fault and he still feels awful about it. He is very afraid that he might do something like that with Jon, and Jon. Jon is a nice guy. A _really_ nice guy, and Spencer likes him a lot. But he is pretty sure that there is no way in hell Jon is going to come out of this not hating him and it makes Spencer feel grumpy and sick to his stomach. Going home only to find Brendon and Ryan mooning obliviously over each all the time is not helping his mood any either.

* * *

For his part, Jon thinks Spencer is the most amazing teacher ever. When he is not at the school he literally will not shut up about how wonderful Spencer is and it is driving Tom _insane_. "And when he lectures he gets all serious and really, really passionate about it and even the troublemakers stop messing about and start listening, Tom, it's _amazing_ ," Jon gushes— _gushes_ , like a teenage girl, and god, Jon's case of hero worship is absolutely disgusting, but at least it is better than when he is crush-gushing. That tends to be more like, "And he does this thing when he's thinking, Tom, this thing where he frowns and sort of wrinkles his forehead and licks his lips and oh god, it's just. _Nghhh_."

Jon switches between having stars in his eyes and having hearts in his eyes. Greta thinks it is the cutest thing ever, and she is always willing to listen to Jon gush about Mr. Smith (because Spencer refuses to let Jon call him Spencer and Jon totally respects that because he is _so amazing_ ). He carefully does not mention things of the crushing nature when talking to Greta, because he does not want to get in trouble or anything, and he particularly does not want to get Sp– Mr. Smith in trouble, so. But Greta knows because, well, everyone over the age of fifteen who spends any time around Jon Walker these days knows that he is absolutely smitten with one Spencer Smith. Everyone except for Spencer himself, of course. Because Jon gets all tongue-tied and stupid when Spencer is in close proximity and forgets how to say anything beyond simple words and phrases most of the time.

Really, it is just a case of whether Jon and Spencer can manage to keep up the unresolved sexual tension between them for a semester. Greta and Ray have a bet going on which one will cave first. Ray is staunchly betting on Spencer. The kid has a _lot_ of built up sexual tension, after all, and Ray figures it is only a matter of time before he snaps and starts making out with Jon. Ryan and Brendon are in on this bet, having found out about it because Ray keeps Ryan up-to-date on the Saga of Spencer Smith's Student Teacher, since Spencer cannot be trusted to give a nonobjective account of what kind of shenanigans are actually going on at his work. When they found out about the bet, Ryan and Brendon were a bit unsure about who to place their money on at first, as Jon is an unknown element in all of this.

* * *

_[We now interrupt your regularly scheduled not!fic for a tangent in which I have fun figuring out backstory—this leads back to the subject at hand, really, I swear!]_

Greta's room is next to Patrick-the-band-teacher's room because all three of the performing arts teachers have classes right next to each other. The third teacher would be William, who teaches choir and also the high school drama class, since the middle school does not have a drama class, just Greta's after school club thing. This works because the middle and high school are right next door to each other. The district is cheap, and they insist that the two schools share drama, choir, and band instructors, so the middle school choir is also the high school choir, and the middle school advanced band is also the high school band. Same goes for orchestra. Bill and Patrick and Greta all get together to do a musical every spring! It is full of awesome.

I wonder what other bandom peeps are up to!

Spencer, Greta, Patrick, and Bill are teachers, Ray's a principal, Jon and ginger!Bob are student teachers and Sisky _was_ a student teacher, but then Shit Happened and, 'We don't talk about him, Walker, Ray says in his very serious tone, especially not around Smith.' Adam Siska was one of those really bright, really eager student teachers, and he was the first student teacher Spencer ever had to mentor and Spencer kinda loved him in a platonic, older-sibling kind of way. But Sisky was also on the young side—maybe he finished high school early and got through college really fast because he was just that bright?—and then some major family troubles and health problems suddenly happened right in the middle of his student teaching and he had a nervous breakdown and could not finish. And it made Spencer very, very sad.

Patrick-the-band-teacher's-roommate-Bob works at the local zoo! With all the big cats and bears and monkeys and stuff and the kids just stare at him with these huge eyes. Occasionally Bob comes over to Patrick's school and shows off awesome bugs and arachnids and stuff to the science classes and the kids _there_ stare at him with huge eyes. Sometimes Bob's coworker comes with him and teaches the kids about herps, and they kids love it because, 'HEY, HEY, IT'S GABE THE SNAKE GUY, YAY!!'

There is this really crazy little dude who works at the zoo with Bob and Gabe who is some sort of world-renowned chiropterologist, but who also knows everything there is to know about every small mammal ever. One time Patrick was at the zoo, just hanging out because hey, he had nothing better to do and Bob got him in for free. He was just sorta wandering around and somehow ended up in the bat house and then, ' _Oh my fucking god, Bob, I swear this_ THING _just swooped down out of nowhere and_ ATTACKED ME!! _I had to beat it off with my bare hands!_ ' Bob shrugs and says, 'Yeah, that tends to happen in the bat house.' Patrick is still all panicky and he says he doesn't think they should let big animals like that loose around visitors, and Bob nods and says yeah, he has been telling management that for years, but they still refuse to put Wentz in a cage. Apparently it is against labor laws or something? Bob does not pretend to understand the logic of management.

Pete has secretly started stalking Bob Bryar around the zoo (something that does not work all that well, really, as Bob is used to working with large predators and totally knows whenever anyone is stalking him) because Gabe told him that the dorky guy in the hat is Bob's roommate and, 'Bob, you're a good guy, a nice guy, we're buddies, right? You should totally invite me to dinner sometime, Bob, because I'm ever so charming—tell Bob just how charming I am, Gabe! I'm the epitome of charm and I totally need your roommate's phone number and work address and a copy of your apartment key, please, Bob, thanks.'

Bob thinks this is all very amusing. He is torn between protecting Patrick and giving Pete the number for Patrick's cell just so that he can watch the mating ritual of the Wild Wentz. Bob is all about learning new and amusing things about animals.

Frank and his wife own and run a coffee shop down the street from Gerard and Ryan's work. Gerard thinks this is awesome because Frank is his brother's friend, and Frank totally gives him discounts and stuff. Frank says they are like... frequent flyer discounts, or something. A thank you to Gerard because his coffee habit is totally going to put Frank's kid through college. He even has spiffy little College Caffeine Cards made for Gerard! The baristas at Jamia's House of Java know to punch Gerard's card each time he buys a coffee. When Gerard gets eight punches, he gets a free coffee! Gerard gets free coffee at least twice a week. It is awesome. Ryan sighs and rolls his eyes every time Gerard squeals over his card, because Gerard tends to drag Ryan along when he makes coffee runs. (Ryan has found that he pretty much _has_ to go with Gerard whenever they have to get stuff done together, because Gerard is totally in Jamia's more often than he is in the office.)

Gerard's coffee habit also happens to be what got Brendon his current awesome job! (It is not really all that awesome, but it has better hours than the drive-thru Brendon was working at before, slightly better pay, and actual benefits, so yeah. Kinda-awesome, at least.) Brendon and Ryan ended up at Jamia's a few times while they were still obliviously mooning, and Ryan happened to mention how he was maybe thinking of doing educational song-slash-storybooks for kids with Spencer's roommate, and oh hey, Gerard totally wants in on that too! So they all meet up at Jamia's one Saturday and are talking excitedly about all the awesome books they are going to make only where in the world are they going to find a company to publish them, alas? HOWEVER, Tom happens to overhear this, as he is totally there to bother the weekend barista into giving him free coffee because, 'C'mon, Jonny Walker, we're best friends, you know you want to give me free coffee,' and Tom's like, "Dudes, I totally work for small, local company that publishes educational books and your concept sounds really awesome, you should come by and pitch it to my boss sometime!"

They do, and it is awesome, and Tom's boss loves the idea. He is even going to give them a tour of the building and stuff to show off their operation, but alas he cannot, because he is busy with interviews and tests for the rest of the day. "Our art department's short-handed at the moment," Schechter admits. They have been trying to find someone new for months now, but it is just not happening—as it is, the only reason he had the time to see Ryan and Gerard and Brendon is that the guy who was scheduled for that morning decided that he did not have the time to suffer through an hour-long test of his Quark and Photoshop skills and left after five minutes. "Most people know Photoshop inside and out but have next to no experience with Quark," Schechter says sadly.

"That's stupid," Brendon says, "Quark is easy." Schechter's eyes light up and he grills Brendon mercilessly and it turns out that Brendon was in the student paper and on the staff for yearbook for three out of four years in high school and the next thing Brendon knows, he has job interview on Tuesday. Three days later, he is issuing his two week's notice at the drive-thru where he has been working for the past four years and he is on his way to having _a real job, finally!_

The various businesses and stuff in the city where they all live are kinda disgustingly incestuous with the number of people who just happen know people who know people. Everyone knows everyone else! It is scary! A prime example would be the fact that Mikey Way totally worked at the drive-thru with Brendon for a few months there at one point, but that was years and years ago, before Brendon had even heard of Brent or Spencer or Ryan. There's a really big age gap between Mikey and Gerard, actually, and Mikey's way, way younger than everyone else mentioned so far (except for maybe Sisky or ginger!Bob, but everyone else thinks of those two as babies, so). So Mikey is like... twenty, twenty-two, while everyone else is in their late twenties, early-to-mid thirties.

Mikey started working at Jamia's near the end of in high school, and kept on working there for the summer after he graduated. Then he quit and went away to college but he kinda could not handle it (i.e., he went into Gerard-withdrawal before too long), so he dropped out after the first semester and moved back home. He tried working at Jamia's again, but did not like that because Gerard kept giving him sad eyes whenever he came in for coffee, so Mikey's kinda been bouncing around from job to job ever since while taking courses at the local community college.

Spencer loves Brendon's new job because employees get a forty percent discount on all merchandise and Brendon has graciously offered his employee discount to Spencer to do whatever he likes with it. (This might possibly be part of Brendon's grand plan to Win Over Spencer Smith and thus also win over Ryan Ross—Brendon is so devious in clever! He loves himself.)

Also, the school where Spencer works is on the way to Brendon's new job! So now it is even easier for Brendon to give Spencer a ride to school in the morning. Which means that Spencer can sleep later because he does not have to be capable of operating heavy machinery early in the day. Joy! After work, Spencer sticks around the school for a while in order to make photocopies and stuff, then he walks to a bagel shop that is about halfway between the school and Brendon's work. Brendon's usually already there and talking some sort of nonsense with Joe, who is the cashier on duty in the late afternoon/early evening four times out of five. Spencer and Brendon hang out until the shop closes at seven, and Spencer corrects many papers away from Brendon and Ryan's annoying and distracting not-making-outedness. Bliss!

(Sometimes this chick who works in the cubicle next to Brendon bums a ride over to the bagel shop and hangs out there too, though she sits all by herself at a table in the corner and just scribbles away in this little green notebook while she listens to her iPod. Occasionally she'll glance over at where Spencer and Brendon are sitting, smirk, and snicker softly to herself before she resumes scribbling. It is really, really unnerving, and Spencer suspects she is secretly an axe-murderer or something. Brendon swears up and down that she isn't, though she does have an unhealthy obsession with the Black Death. This is too much for Spencer, who goes all twitchy and demands that they go leave immediately. As he packs up his papers, he swears there is an excited squeak from the corner and he hears a muttered, "Omg, medieval plague AU! _That would be so cool!_ " Spencer all but flees for the door.)

* * *

Despite the fact that Brendon and Ryan know Tom and all three hang out with each other on a regular basis after Brendon starts working at his kinda-awesome job, Tom has never actually met the infamous Spencer Smith. He does not make the connection between Brendon and Ryan's Spencer Smith and Jon's Mr. Smith of amazing bitchy awesome until Jon meets Ryan and Brendon for the first time and the two younger men share this Look after Jon introduces himself. All this ignorance is understandable, as Smith is a very common last name! Totally not Tom's fault. And, sure, Ryan goes to the coffee shop where Jon works, but Jon only works there on weekends, and Ryan mainly goes there on weekdays, so. Ryan cannot help it if he did not realize that Tom's Jon was the infamous Jon Walker, Hot Student Teacher Extraordinare—Jon/John is a very common first name! Totally not Ryan's fault. Or Brendon's, for once.

Jon is still doing his going-to-sleep-at-nine-o'clock thing (if he gets to the school early he can spend time with sleepy!Mr. Smith—joy! bliss! rapture!), so he says good night and wanders off to bed before too long. As soon as the door to his room closes, Brendon lets out the laughter he has been holding in. "Oh man, this is totally better than tormenting Spencer with fake awkward, oblivious mooning," he gasps between snickers, collapsing against Ryan. It's just so fabulous and _hilarious_ , because they have just spent the past forty-five minutes listening to Jon wax poetic about the fabulous, brilliant, _amazing_ Mr. Smith. Even Ryan was having a hard time not smirking near the end there.

Being the loving friends that they are, Tom and Ryan and Brendon laugh at Jon and Spencer's pain. Because it is ever so hilarious and amusing. They decide that something this perfect cannot be left alone! When your friend's life turns into one romantic movie cliché after another, there is only one thing to do about it—take advantage of the situation and milk it for all it is worth. Thus, Ryan is promptly informing Tom of the bet Ray has going with Greta on which one will cave first, Spencer or Jon, and whether it will happen before Jon finishes student teaching or not. Ryan and Brendon think there must be a way to make some cash off of Spencer's lovesick woes, but so far they have been unsure how to bet, seeing as how they do not know Jon.

Quick pooling of information leads to the decision that Spencer has way too much pride and self-control to give in easily, and Jon is probably their best bet. Now, Ryan knows for a fact that this was Greta's conclusion as well. However, he also knows that Greta is betting that Jon's respect for Mr. Smith is such that he would never dream of attempting anything while still doing his student teaching, as he would not want to risk upsetting Mr. Smith's position. The best way to make money off of this would thus be to bet that Jon will upset things before he finishes his semester. Brendon gives Tom a very serious look and places a hand on Tom's shoulder. "What do you think, Tomrad?" he asks in his Most Serious Voice. "Are you willing to manipulate your best friend so as to cause him horrible embarrassment and/or life-shattering upset for the sake of cold, hard cash?"

Tom meets Brendon's eye with an equally serious look and puts his hand on Brendon's shoulder. "Brendon. I've been doing that to Jon since he was fourteen. I was born to do this." They shake hands in a Very Serious Manner. Ryan rolls his eyes and tells them to be quiet. Then he calls Ray and calmly places three hundred dollars on Jon caving before the end of the term. Suspicious of the amount Ryan's willing to risk, Ray warns Ryan that he better not be planning to do anything to kill Spencer's sex drive in order to undermine Ray's chances at winning. Ryan calmly reminds Ray that this is Spencer they are talking about, and that Ryan does not have a death wish. Ray thinks for a moment, then agrees that Ryan raises a very good point.

As it happens, Tom is able to employ his stealthy ninja ways in order to see about winning his (and Brendon and Ryan's) cold, hard cash. Namely, he gives ginger!Bob twenty bucks and tells him to lock Spencer and Jon in the copy room together. Ginger!Bob likes Jon and thinks he's a good guy and that it is kinda sad how gone he is on Smith (who gives ginger!Bob scary glares all the time and shit, Bob has heard that Smith is actually a not-so-secret serial killer, but everyone is too afraid of him to ever turn him in, 'So, dammit, Tomrad, make it forty or no deal'), so he agrees to help out. Once Tom gives him another twenty. Which Tom does. Because he has heard the stories about Smith too, and he understands where Bob is coming from.

So ginger!Bob employs _his_ stealthy ninja ways and locks Jon and Spencer in the copy room together after first baiting the trap with a pot of coffee (courtesy of Tom, who is brilliant at figuring out the ways of the wild Jon, and Ryan, who knows so much about Spencer it is scary; Bob wants to sit at Ryan's feet and _learn_ , but Brendon refuses to let him and glares his angry chipmunk glare, so Bob backs off).

(All Bobs are inherently ninjas. It goes without saying.)

* * *

Jon is the first to realize that they are locked in the copy room together. Spencer is the first to realize that his keys have disappeared from his pocket. "Shi–shoot," Jon says, automatically correcting himself before Smith even has a chance to try and do so. He sighs and slumps against the door. "I should've known this was going to happen. Stupid Tom."

"Tom?" Smith asks, raising an eyebrow and giving Jon a look that makes it clear that he expects Jon is somehow to blame for this and he _will_ be exacting vengeance later. It is seriously sad how cute Jon thinks that look is.

Jon scrubs his face with his hands. "My friend, Tom," he explains. "He has a bet going on with Ray that I'm going to make out with you before I'm done here. Or something like that. I dunno, they were talking really quietly and I didn't hear all of it. I was half-asleep already."

"A bet. About us making out." Smith clearly wants to kill something here, but it is also clear that he does not want to kill Jon! At least, Jon hopes that is what that look means. Hoping to save himself, Jon volunteers that he is pretty sure Brendon, this kid from Tom's work, is in on it. And maybe Brendon's boyfriend too. Smith's head snaps up and he stares at Jon disbelieving. "Brendon doesn't have a boyfriend! Shit. Unless... Fuck, if that fucking spazz has been ignoring Ryan just because he's already dating someone, I swear I'm going to—"

Brightening, Jon snaps his fingers. "Ryan! That's his boyfriend's name! I knew it was something that started with a R."

"Oh. That," Smith says, brushing off this news like it does not mean anything. "Ryan isn't Brendon's boyfriend. They just awkwardly and obliviously moon over each other." Much to Spencer's disgust, because it is just so. Ugh.

"Uh. Since I'm assuming you know them, when was the last time you spoke to them? It's just—I'm pretty sure Tom introduced Ryan as Brendon's boyfriend. And they were making out pretty determinedly when I went to bed the other night, really didn't look like oblivious mooning much of at all to me." Jon shrugs.

Spencer's nostrils flare and there is a growl in his voice when he says, "Those fucking _bastards_ , I swear I'll kill them." Jon shrinks away slightly, shifts nervously, and Spencer sighs. "Sorry," he says, though he does not sound all that sorry. "Brendon's my roommate. He and my best friend—Ryan—have been mooning obliviously over each other for almost nine months now, only apparently _not_ , if they're dating." He cannot believe Ryan and Brendon have a bet going with Ray about whether he and Jon will make out or not. Except that he totally can, because Brendon is a nice guy but yeah, Ryan is inherently evil at times. And Brendon has the whole evil-bringer-of-coffee thing going on. Death will be happening when Spencer gets home this evening. DEATH.

Jon nods. "Have you got your cell phone? We can call Ray or someone and have them let us out of here," he suggests, smiling. He is hoping Smith will not decide to take out his current frustration with Brendon and Ryan on him. Jon thinks Mr. Smith is the most amazing supervising teacher ever, and Jon really, really respects his left hook.

Spencer sighs and slumps down next to Jon. "No," he says mournfully. "The battery was mostly dead when I turned it on this morning, so I left it at home to charge." At the time he'd thought it was strange that the battery was so low, but he'd been on his way out and hadn't had time to really think about it. Now Spencer realizes that his cell phone's lack of power was obviously result of Molestation By Brendon. Sighing again, Spencer rests his head on Jon's shoulder. Jon has comfy shoulders. They are at just the right height for Spencer's head. It is kind of fabulous. "We're the victims of Ryan Ross's cunning, Jon Walker. In short, we are doomed."

Spencer Smith is leaning his head on Jon's shoulder. Jon thinks he should be doomed more often if this is what it gets him. He reaches over and awkwardly pats Smith's shoulder. "It's not so bad. We could be trapped in here with William," he says. William is a great guy, his students love him and he is probably the best drama teacher the high school next door has ever had and Jon never, ever wants to be trapped in a small, confined place with him. "I'm glad I'm trapped in here with you. Er. Not that I'm glad we're trapped, I'm just glad it's with someone who I respect and whose company I enjoy and I'm just going to shut up now," Jon mumbles.

"You don't have to kiss up to me," Spencer mutters. "You're so going to pass this prac with flying colors. The kids love you and you're the best student teacher I've ever seen, no thanks to me."

Frowning, Jon draws back some to look at Smith. "What's that supposed to mean?" he asks, obviously confused.

"It means that I know I'm a shitty supervising teacher," Spencer grumbles. "I bitch and moan and I'm a total hard-ass. I tend to scare and stress student teachers into giving up before the end."

"That's just because you want us to give our all," Jon insists. "You're really great—I've learned a lot with you."

Spencer flushes and glances away. "You don't have to—" he starts to say, but Jon's shaking his head adamantly.

"I don't say things I don't mean," Jon says. "I think you're actually the best supervising teacher I could've gotten. I was really nervous about this whole thing, and a lot of the time I tend to slack off and stop being serious when I get nervous about things. You don't ever let me slack off, it's kind of perfect."

Biting his lip, Spencer turns his head to look nervously at Jon. "Really?" he asks softly.

"Yeah. Perfect," Jon says as he leans in, and really, neither one of them could tell you who kisses whom first. They are both equally to blame at that point.

When Greta opens the door to the copy room the following morning, she is surprised to find Jon and Spencer curled up next to each other, leaning against the far wall. "Don't tell me you two've been here all night!" she exclaims. She is really hoping they did not try anything, more because she does not want to have to deal with Ray if he wins it than because of the hundred dollars she has riding on this bet.

Jon yawns and nods. "Someone thought it would be funny to shut and lock the door without checking to make sure that no one was inside first," he says. Spencer is still sound asleep, head resting on Jon's shoulder, his entire body pressed up against Jon's side. Smiling gently to himself, Jon reaches over to gently shake Spencer's shoulder, murmuring quietly to tell him it is time to wake up.

It is only due to years of dealing with Tom that Jon manages to narrowly avoid the fist that is aimed straight for his nose. Jon thinks it is rather scary that Spencer can punch so accurately when he is still mostly asleep. He should probably be worrying more about that right now, but he is still busy trying to get his heartbeat back down to an acceptable rate.

"Fuck off, Urie," Spencer mumbles after a jaw-cracking yawn. "M'alarm hasn't even gone off yet. Freak."

Greta snorts and shakes her head. "I'll go see if someone's started the coffee maker in the lounge yet, shall I?" she says. Thankfully, she leaves the door propped open when she goes, so Jon and Spencer are not locked in a second time. But Jon does not trust the staff of this school after the day before, so he stands and drags Spencer over so that they are in plain sight of the door.

Dragging Spencer has the added benefit of also waking him up. "Huh? Whazza...?" he mumbles sleepily, struggling to his feet and still half-leaning into Jon. "Jon? Where'm I...? Oh. _Oh_."

Spencer's eyes narrow and it is clear that he remembers what happened the day before. Greta has the misfortune of choosing to return at exactly that moment, and Spencer looks ready to attack her, but Jon sees the murder in Spencer's eyes and grabs his arm before anything can happen. "Hey, hey, calm down. Greta's a friend—she opened the door!"

"I bring you coffee?" Greta says tentatively, thrusting a nearly-full mug into the copy room while keeping the rest of her body outside.

"Hmph," Spencer harrumphs even as he eagerly takes the mug and starts chugging it down. "I suppose you can live today," he concedes.

Jon makes grabby hands at Greta until she forks over the mug in her other hand with a sigh. "Thank you, Ms Salpeter," Jon says sweetly as he drinks her coffee. "You're a star."

"You are so, so lucky I think you're adorable, Jon Walker," she says with a sniff, but she is smiling as she says it, so Jon is not worried.

Just to screw with the heads of everyone involved in this whole bet thing, whenever anyone asks either Jon or Spencer about their night spent in the copy room, they just smile mysteriously and shrug. If Spencer is the one being asked, he also describes exactly what he plans to do to the person who orchestrated the whole fiasco if he ever finds out who it was. He finds that this shuts up busybodies pretty quickly.

In the end, no one wins the bet and Ray is all ready to give everyone back their money when Spencer and Jon stroll in, confiscate the cash, and leave again. No one is quite sure what is happened, just that they are suddenly a whole lot poorer, and Brendon starts cursing the Cunning Ways of Spencer Smith. "This is totally not right," Brendon mopes, draping himself over Ryan. Ryan rolls his eyes and mostly ignores him.

"That's what you get for trying to mess with him," Ryan says with a shrug. Sure, he lost money too, but technically it was money he owed Spencer anyway for something that happened the month before, so he is not really worried about it.

Jon gets his teaching credential! He manages to land a job teaching sixth and seventh grade Language Arts over at Spencer's school, because the district has finally acknowledged that they are being way too stingy and they have hired Greta to teach drama full-time at the high school and changed it so that William's only teaching choir anymore. Well, and music appreciation. Which Greta also teaches. Because yeah, the district is only a little less stingy.

Spencer glares and constantly points out all the ways Jon fails at teaching, and they get into long arguments which usually end up with both of them stomping off to the copy room to ostensibly spend the next few hours photocopying poems or something. They make sure that they always have their keys when they do this, as everyone is a little bit scared to try opening the door to the copy room when Jon and Spencer are alone in there anymore.


End file.
